Nuts in Nederland

I had a job interview last Tuesday. I felt I rocked the interview and was sure I had the job in the bag. Until Friday morning. Then I started to doubt myself, felt fearful and convinced myself I didn't get the job. And that's exactly what happened.

It seems so often that when you desperately want something (someone to love, another child, a new job), it never seems to happen RIGHT THEN. Generally the moment you stop worrying about "it", enjoy your life as is it and just let nature take its course....WHAM...you get what you want. And often times better than what you dreamed. At least this has been my experience. It's just that the WAITING part sucks.

So here I am. Employed until May 2010 and only certain I have a job until then. After that? Who knows? Fortunately I have the luxury to leave anytime I find a new job, but I'm not eager to leave the university where I work as I cannot imagine a better place to work. I'd LOVE to find something internally, it's just that so far I haven't been successful. I am sure the right job at the right time will present itself. I just have to be patient.

I like stability. In fact, I CRAVE stability. And every day that I go to work it only reminds me that my days are numbered. I'd love to know that this permanent. I hate this uncertainty.

The one good thing about all of this is that the lives of my children doesn't change. Life continues on as normal. I continue to work three days a week, our nanny comes on those days and I have Wednesdays and Fridays off. I still get eight weeks of vacation (which is AWESOME!) and I am able to take most time off when the kids have vacation. It's the IDEAL set up. Hence, why I am in no hurry to leave. How could it get *any* better than this?

I know exactly what I would LOVE to do at the university. Work in their Language Center. They offer presentation skills for non-native English speaking students. As soon as I learned of my fate, I immediately sent an e-mail to the director expressing my situation and interest. It's just at that time there were no vacancies. And I will not know if there are any until next May (when my contract expires). With any luck, something might open up.

I've gone through a lot of soul-searching in the last few months. I think about what I *really* want to do and where I want to go with my career. I'll be 40 next May, so I don't want to waste time getting experience in the wrong career. I want to be building on where I want to end up and want to work in an organization where I will eventually retire. I'm not a big fan of job hopping. Remember? I like stability.

There are lots of things I like to do. I often had at least two jobs while I was in college, simply because I like so many things. I enjoy teaching (I substitute taught), I like technology (I worked in the campus computer lab), I love being around people (I was a waitress) and I enjoy helping others (I worked with at-risk youth at a non-profit). This gives me many options as I have many interests and talents. It's just narrowing it down to what I *REALLY* want to do and/or finding something that combines all those interests.

Life is full of choices. And as a mother and wife, my choices affect my family. First and foremost, I want to find a job that still allows me time to be a mother. I don't want to disrupt my children's lifestyle of eating lunch at home together and being able to play at home after school. If it means paying our nanny to continue to work for us when Max starts school, then I am OK with that.

I'm not sure where I'm going career-wise, but I do know whatever choice I make...it MUST be a job where my kids come first. Or else....I just go back to being a stay-at-home-mom and we live on one income. We did it before, we can do it again.