Nuts in Nederland

Tomorrow is my last day at my job at the university. My first job in the Netherlands. The one that marked a new beginning after I completed my NT2 (Dutch as a Second Language) exam and became a Dutch citizen in 2007. The job that I have loved and enjoyed for the past three years. It's all coming to an end. I will no longer have an office on the 7th floor of the Montesquieu building.

I have already taken home all my belongings so there isn't anything to carry home tomorrow except myself and my purse. I didn't want my last memory of leaving campus to be carrying boxes to my car. And taking things home early gave me a chance to slowly say good-bye.

I've dreaded this moment for the last year while I have unsuccessfully tried to find another job (after I was told last April my project was getting cut from the budget AFTER I signed another year's contract to work until May 2010). I've applied for at least 15 jobs (that I've counted) and been turned down from all of them.

My last idea was to go back to school and get certified to teach English at the high school level. That idea seemed great until I weighed all the pros and cons and realized there were far too many cons to going back to school at this point in my life (with two small children) while still needing to work part-time. That realization was a sad one as I thought I had FINALLY figured out what I wanted to do.

So...what DO I want to do? I know I want to teach. So far every job I've applied for I haven't had all the specific requirements and I don't have the time (now) to get those credentials. I have to find something where I can use what education I have (a Master's in Communication). However, what I have discovered is that communication courses here in NL have a different approach. It's more about marketing or business-related communication. There aren't many courses offered in public speaking or interpersonal communication, my specialties. When I look at vacancies in the US for speech faculty positions, I realize I could EASILY find a job there! And I try not to feel disappointed.

What I can do and want to do is to teach students how to give presentations in English, or train faculty how to give presentations in English. There is a need for that, and I have been in touch with the Language Center at the university, however, there aren't any vacancies at the moment. However, should any openings come open in the near future (and there are a few possibilities), I will be considered. The English Coordinator of the Language Center said she'd like to meet with me and her boss in June so that if they should need me to quickly fill in, then they have already met me. There is potential!

However, I still have to continue to look for employment. I don't want to put "all my eggs in one basket". I have an interview next Tuesday for an Online Editor position. It is a temporary contract, just until December, to replace someone taking maternity leave. At this point, it's a job. And a paycheck. And although I would receive three months of unemployment (I've only worked three years in NL, and you receive one month for every year worked), I am hoping to continue working. I'm just afraid that too much time at home without any structure may not be a good thing for me.

I keep having dreams that involve me traveling (whether it be by bus, train or plane) and I keep getting lost. These dreams have been going on for the past year and I know they are indicative of me feeling lost and not knowing where I am going with my career. I'm so ready for this feeling to go away. I'd like to know where I'm headed. I like security and certainty. But I just remind myself that all of this will make sense when it's finally over. And I'm just not there yet.