I wanted to jump on a plane so often and return to my old, comfortable life. But I knew that wasn't the answer. I complained about everything. I cried everyday. I was depressed.
Then I started Dutch language courses, joined the International Women's Club, and made friends within my neighborhood. I learned quickly that if I wanted to be happy, I'd have to stop complaining and focus on the positive. It took me at least a year before I felt like I found myself.
We returned to the US after we had lived here for 1.5 years. On the first day, I looked around at all the traffic, crime, and consumerism of Northern Virginia, and thought "I could never live here again." My Dutch life was quieter, more laid-back, and simpler. I had learned to appreciate all the differences and accepted the Netherlands as my permanent home.
I didn't return to the US until five years later. And on that return I experienced reverse culture shock. I felt like a foreigner in my own country. And once again I thought to myself, "I could never live here again."
From the time I was a high school student studying French, I have wanted to live in Europe. I've always had a feeling I was born in the wrong country. I always knew I wanted to marry a foreigner and raise bilingual children. It was just something that I knew at an early age and the idea never faded.
I wasn't looking to find love on the Internet back in 1995 when I was chatting on IRC on my DOS computer. I made a friend that lived in the Netherlands and after a year of e-mails, phone calls and chatting online, we met face-to-face. Long story short, he moved to the US in 1999, we married in 2000, and in 2002 our daughter was born and four months later we moved to the Netherlands.
It was NOT an easy adjustment moving to the Netherlands, but I survived. And in the years that followed I have struggled with my own issues, but I have grown so much that I am thankful for all those problems.
My main desire to move to the Netherlands (a year before our daughter was born), was to get out of my comfort zone. I felt stagnate in my career and I wanted a change. I just never imagined how difficult that transition would be.
Like most married people with children, I have struggled with the balance between being a mother and a wife. And somewhere in between to still have time to develop my own character.
I am not ashamed to admit that I have seen psychologists and psychiatrists and talked to church pastors during the eight years that I have lived here. There were moments where I just didn't know how to deal with all my emotions and how to go about being happy.
The one relationship that has been the most difficult for me is that with my mother-in-law. She has made me aware of my faults (not always in the nicest of tones) and stimulated me to work towards being less selfish and more considerate. It hasn't been easy to receive her critism, but I know she only wants to help me. She's getting better at the delivery of her message, which makes me more inclined to listen and want to hear her out.
Despite all the drama between my mother-in-law and me, I have learned a lot from her. And I've also learned to stand up more for myself, which has been a growing experience.
Recently my mother-in-law has been very supportive in giving Jeroen and I more time for each other (by having the kids spend-the-night). She knows how much work it is to be married. She and my father-in-law have been married for 43 years. And in my family, that's quite an accomplishment!
My life is no different from anyone else's. Everyone has problems. It's what you do with those problems that matters. Do you continue to complain and do nothing to improve your situation? Or do you take action? I have had to learn over time that life is what you make it. If you want to be happy, you have to make it happen. Change your mind, change your actions.
I can honestly say that I am at a good place in my life. I've learned to accept that life does not always go the way you want, however, you have to focus on what you have and concentrate on the positive. And the things that you can control, you have your own destiny in your hands. It's tough, yes. Making changes in your life is work. I don't necessary like going to the gym, but I go. And once I'm there I'm so glad I went. I'm making small progress and working towards realistic goals. And when I mess up, I allow myself to be human and try harder the next day.
This year has been another life-chaning year for me. Unemployment. Heaviest weight ever. Braces. But this time around I'm not complaining. I'm just enjoying every minute of it, because I know there's a reason I have to go through all of this and in the end all the work will be worth it.
Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
M. Scott Peck from The Road Less Traveled
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