I haven't written in this blog in a while, because everytime I thought to do it my thoughts were always in the same place. Not much about my life had changed and I didn't feel like writing "still looking for a job and feeling impatient with life." But you know what....that's where I am. That's where I've been for the last year. And still there is no change. I continue to apply for jobs. And I continue to get rejection letters. And I continue to grow more frustrated with not knowing where I'm headed in life.
So, there it is. I've finally said it. I'm frustrated with my life.
And I'm disappointed with myself. I've managed to put on 25 lbs. over the last two years and I haven't done anything to change my weight. At least nothing consistent. I decide to diet and I'm only successful for one day. And then the next day I'm right back to where I was.
I have moments of happiness and excitement, but then those days turn into black clouds that leave me feeling melancholy and insecure. I hate those days. I want them to go away. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to cry. But I am, and I do.
Days like today. After a great weekend with my children, I go to bed feeling uncomfortable with my body and depressed that I've managed to get this overweight. And then I wake up and have to resort to putting on the few pair of clothes that aren't tight and hide my fat. I cry on the way to work feeling dsyfunctional. How can I feel so crappy when I'm taking an anti-depressant? But you know...life is full of unhappiness and this is all normal.
But I just want to feel excited about something. Some days I feel like I am just floating through life with no certain direction of where I'm headed. I'm a lost balloon.
So, there it is. I've finally said it. I'm frustrated with my life.
And I'm disappointed with myself. I've managed to put on 25 lbs. over the last two years and I haven't done anything to change my weight. At least nothing consistent. I decide to diet and I'm only successful for one day. And then the next day I'm right back to where I was.
I have moments of happiness and excitement, but then those days turn into black clouds that leave me feeling melancholy and insecure. I hate those days. I want them to go away. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to cry. But I am, and I do.
Days like today. After a great weekend with my children, I go to bed feeling uncomfortable with my body and depressed that I've managed to get this overweight. And then I wake up and have to resort to putting on the few pair of clothes that aren't tight and hide my fat. I cry on the way to work feeling dsyfunctional. How can I feel so crappy when I'm taking an anti-depressant? But you know...life is full of unhappiness and this is all normal.
But I just want to feel excited about something. Some days I feel like I am just floating through life with no certain direction of where I'm headed. I'm a lost balloon.
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